


A Lesson in Etiquette

by greywolfheir



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Attempt at Humor, Drinking, Gen, Historical Inaccuracy, Period-Typical Homophobia, Timeline What Timeline, mention of asylums
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28144434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greywolfheir/pseuds/greywolfheir
Summary: Booker finds himself engaged to their target's daughter as part of their current mission. Andy and Quynh fail to make good wives to their husbands. Nicky and Joe can't stop flirting. It's not the team's smoothest mission, but do they ever fail?
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6
Collections: The Old Guard Gift Exchange 2020





	A Lesson in Etiquette

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for @lazynbored on tumblr. I hope you like it as much as I liked writing it!
> 
> Some plot bunnies were inspired by the following tumblr posts:  
> eurythmix.tumblr.com/post/634641713592467456/  
> ebbatriestowrite.tumblr.com/post/634808000959397888/  
> even-after-a-millennia.tumblr.com/post/635856038679150592/
> 
> Also, I spent forever researching the timeline to make sure Booker's stuff was correct, and somehow missed the fact that Quynh wouldn't have been with the team at that point??? I could have made it a total AU and included Nile but I'm a dumbass -_-

Sebastian wasn’t quite sure how he’d gotten here. Sure, he was at his own engagement party, which he’d gotten to by proposing to a woman. There were simple steps to it. But what, in general, led him to this moment on this Earth? Was it some sort of cosmic entity controlling his actions, or was it simply random actions he and everyone around him had taken?

Sebastian took a drink from his glass, before realizing maybe he shouldn’t be drinking so much. He was on a mission, after all. See, he wasn’t actually going to marry this woman sitting next to him. No, she just had the misfortune of being the daughter of a depraved man. A man that The Old Guard was intent on taking down. They just needed to find the ledger that had proof of his criminal activities. Hence the fake engagement.

Of course, getting engaged wasn’t exactly the team’s original idea. A week earlier, they’d attended a similar party that the target, William Enlow, had also been at. Sebastian had been drinking a bit too much then, too, and he’d reached a flirty stage of inebriation. He also happened to direct this flirtiness towards Isabel--Enlow’s daughter. She took to the flirting very well, and Andrea noticed.

It was a good plan, getting close to Enlow through his daughter. Still, Sebastian had to flirt even when not inebriated, which was just plain awkward. Plus, he felt a little guilty using Isabel like this. As far as Sebastian was aware, she was ignorant of her father’s nasty business practices.

“Dear, you look positively miserable.” Sebastian startled when Isabel spoke but quickly recovered.

“It is nothing, my dear,” he assured her. “Simply thinking of future business.”

“Well, stop it,” Isabel said, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. “We are at a party, not a business meeting. Have some fun!”

Sebastian smiled. “Yes madam.”

Isabel laughed. “And  _ don’t _ call me madam.”

“Of course, my dear.”

* * *

Across the room, Nico was also having a difficult time of it. Under the guise of marriage, he and Quynh were together, engaged in conversation with one of Enlow’s relatives. It was just Nico’s luck that the relative--Andrew? Alex?--was of the extremely conservative mind. Quynh didn’t do well with conservatives. She didn’t do well undercover either, for that matter.

“I simply believe that the homosexual community should be kept separate from civilized society,” the relative was saying.

“Pray tell, where would they go?” Quynh asked. Nico was surprised it wasn’t through gritted teeth.

“Why, I am unsure. Perhaps they could settle their own town. Or better yet, put them in the asylum.” The relative chortled at that.

Nico saw Quynh’s jaw clench at that, and he quickly grabbed a drink off a nearby tray.

“As homosexual--” Nico made a frustrated noise and took a deep drink from his glass. “...supporter, I think it is simply moronic to believe that homosexuality is a mental disorder.”

“I believe you’ll find yourself in the minority, my dear,” the relative sniffed. “It is well-established as a mental illness.”

Quynh’s eye twitched. “Perhaps I prefer to be in the minority. Status quo is not always correct.”

It was at that moment that Nico spotted Enlow himself moving towards the smoking room. Looking for the rest of his team, his eyes landed on Joseph’s (not a surprise), and he motioned with his head toward Enlow. Joseph spotted Enlow, then nodded and began heading that way.

Nico turned back Quynh and the relative and cleared his throat.

“So sorry to interrupt, my dear, but I must retire to the smoking-room.” Nico barely held back the gasp of surprise that almost escaped him when Quynh suddenly gripped him with extreme force.

“My love,” Quynh’s teeth were gritted this time, “do you not think that you smoke quite enough?”

“Oh but it is not simply the smoking, darling,” Nico said, his composure rigid though he was biting back a smile. “It is the company. Speaking of which, I do believe Andrea requires your attention.”

Quynh’s grip on him relaxed and she looked around for her true spouse. “Oh, you are quite correct. My apologies, Mr. Haste, but I’m afraid we must cut this conversation short.”

“Not a worry at all, dear,” Mr. Haste said. “Women are simply lost without their husbands aren’t they?”

There was a long moment when Nico thought Quynh might snap and strangle the man in front of everyone. Eventually, though, she composed herself and simply responded. “Indeed, Mr. Haste.”

So Nico and Quynh parted ways, and Nico met Joseph at the smoking-room door. They entered together but were quickly stopped by an usher.

“Apologies, gentlemen, but I must ask that you dispose of your weapons in order to enter,” he said. “They will be returned to you promptly, once you leave this room.”

“An odd policy,” Joseph noted.

“Indeed,” the usher agreed. “However, there have been attempts made on Mr. Enlow’s life as of late, so the precaution is, unfortunately, necessary.”

Ah, yes, the attempts on his life made by The Old Guard.

“It is no bother, then,” Joseph said, and he and Nico placed their pistols on the table.

“I’m afraid we need  _ all _ weapons on this table,” the usher emphasized, looking to Nico for some reason.

Nico hesitated but eventually pulled out a couple of knives from his jacket pocket. The usher stared at him longer, and Nico produced the small pistol he also kept in his jacket pocket.

“Will that be all--oh!” Nico had almost forgotten. He turned to Joseph and reached into the other man’s jacket pocket, where there had been another knife he’d stashed there without Joseph noticing. Joseph, for his part, was biting back a laugh, but Nico thought it was a pretty smart idea. Joseph always came underprepared, and that left extra storage for Nico.

“I do believe that will be all sirs,” the usher said. “If you’re quite done.”

“Indeed,” Nico said.

“Then you are free to enter.”

* * *

“Enlow has excellent timing,” Nico whispered in Joseph’s ear. “Quynh is utterly wasted as a demure housewife.”

Joseph barely contained his laughter. “I assure you, as is Andrea. This era doesn’t bode well for either of them.”

Nico scrutinized Joseph’s clothing in a way that sent warmth blooming throughout his body.

“I’m afraid if these utterly ridiculous amounts of layers don’t go away soon, it won’t bode well for me, either,” Nico murmured.

“Don’t be scandalous, Nico. We’re on a mission,” Joseph said, though he barely kept a straight face.

“Ah, gentlemen!” Joseph nearly startled at Enlow’s voice. “How kind of you to join me. Please, have a seat. Now, my apologies, but I didn’t quite catch your names.”

“Nico Smith,” Nico said, holding out a hand and pointing with his other to Joseph. “This is Joseph Jones.”

“And you are...cousins of Mr. Le Livre?”

“Indeed,” Joseph responded. “I do hope he’s treating your daughter well.”

“Oh, quite.” Enlow nodded. “She’s quite fond of the man.”

“Forgive my being forward,” Nico interrupted. “However, I must know more about your business. We want to make sure our cousin is marrying into a reputable family, you understand.”

“Quite,” Enlow agreed. “Though I’m pleased to report, your fears are unfounded. Our family is quite reputable indeed.”

“You maintain an asylum, no?” Joseph pressed. “I must admit, I don’t see how much money comes of that business.”

“Well, it makes more than you would assume,” Enlow answered vaguely. “Though I do have other business dealings that are turning enough of a profit, in the event that the asylum does indeed fail.”

Before either of them could press any further, a group of four men entered the room, talking and laughing boisterously.

“Ah, you fellows must meet cousins of my own,” Enlow said happily, standing and clapping a very large man on the back. “These are the Haste siblings--Bernard, Oliver, Victor, and--”

“Alexander,” Nico finished for him, plastering on what only Joseph knew was a fake smile. “Yes, we met only a few moments ago. Good to see you again.”

“You as well,” Alexander Haste sniffed. “Your wife is a woman I would not soon forget either.”

“Quite the charmer, that one,” Nico agreed. Joseph covered his snort with a cough.

When they turned back to Enlow, however, he seemed to be engaged in conversation with the other Hastes. Alexander joined in loudly, and Joseph turned to Nico, who was already looking at him.

“Well, we aren’t getting anything more out of him anytime soon,” Joseph noted.

“Shame,” Nico said, his eyes tracking the movement of Joseph’s Adam’s apple when he swallowed. Joseph grinned. He knew that look.

“Nico,” he whispered, “are you getting...impatient?”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “I’ve no idea what you mean.”

“You are aware we’ve hours to go before this party ends,” Joseph pointed out. “And we’ve got things to take care of.”

“Plenty of time to waste,” Nico countered. Really, Joseph was no match for that kind of logic. Especially not when Nico had that fire in his eyes.

“Then let us make the most of it.”

* * *

Andrea was in a mood similar to a lion’s. One that finally caught its prey after a particularly long chase. She’d managed--with Quynh’s help--to sneak into Enlow’s office, where she’d found a loose floorboard holding a safe (easy enough to crack) which held the secret ledger. It was all they needed to take Enlow down. Their mission here was finally over, and she could get the fuck home. God, Andrea hated parties.

When she reentered the ballroom, she spotted first Quynh, who she only had to smile at to send the message. Then she found Sebastian. His fiance was nowhere to be seen, which was perfect. Andrea made a beeline for him.

“I found the ledger,” she told him. “We need to leave before he finds out it’s missing.” Andrea looked around. “Where are Joseph and Nico?”

Sebastian shook his head. “I saw them go to the smoking-room together. Haven’t seen them come out, but I’ve been a little busy.”

Andrea scoffed. “Like you aren’t enjoying this.”

Sebastian shrugged, but he was smiling.

“I’ll find Joseph and Nico, and then we’re out of here.” Andrea stood. “Make it look good.”

“Don’t I always?” Sebastian asked as she walked away.

“No,” Andrea answered over her shoulder.

* * *

Minutes after Quynh watched Andrea talking to Sebastian, she saw Andrea walk out of the hallway where the coat closet was, with Joseph and Nico in tow. Quynh smiled to herself. She knew that if they weren’t currently undercover, Andrea would probably be dragging them out by the scruff of their necks. The boys, for their part, didn’t look guilty in the slightest. They were giggling with each other like adolescents. Well, insofar as Nico giggled.

Andrea and the boys made their way over to Quynh, where Andrea said, “We should leave before the fun begins.”

“If it’s all the same to you,” Quynh said, “I’d like to stay behind to watch the show.”

Andrea shrugged. “We’ll meet you back at the safehouse.”

Quynh nodded. 

She didn’t have to wait long. Less than an hour later, Sebastian was stumbling across the ballroom. He didn’t make it far before he ran directly into Burkin--probably the most influential man in attendance. Of course, Sebastian’s drink went all over the front of the man’s suit.

Quynh giggled behind her hand at Sebastian’s attempt to clean the man’s chest, which only made him angrier. The volume of Burkin’s voice rose above even the music, causing quite the scene. Sebastian, for his part, seemed to be getting angry as well and began shouting right back. 

Just as it was about to escalate to fisticuffs, Enlow ran towards the scene, red in the face. He shouted indistinctly at Sebastian, who yelled right back until Enlow was pointing a finger towards the door. Sebastian tried to argue some more but Enlow just pointed again. Sebastian shrugged and staggered his way out. Quynh followed soon after and caught Sebastian around the corner from the Enlow residence, walking perfectly normally.

“That was quite the performance,” Quynh said when she reached him.

“I’m glad someone was around to appreciate it,” Sebastian said with a smile.

“Oh, I’m sure it will be in all the papers tomorrow morning, along with your canceled engagement. Congratulations--you are a bachelor yet again.”

Sebastian half-smiled. “It wasn’t so bad, being engaged to Isabel.”

Quynh frowned. “You didn’t get too attached did you?”

“No, nothing like that,” Sebastian assured her. “She’s just a nice woman. And it was...fun.”

Quynh laughed. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities for fun in the next few decades. For now, let’s go home and get some rest, yeah?”

Sebastian nodded. “Let’s go home.”


End file.
